Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dating: The Dos and Don’ts for Single Women.

Listen up single ladies! Whether you’ve been out of the dating game for a while or just need to brush up on today’s dating etiquette, help is at hand; attract your perfect man with assistance from FastLife’s dating guru, Justin Parfitt.


Be both interested and interesting - Many of us could easily fill a conversation talking about ourselves, but when it comes to dating, it’s the people who actually listen who succeed at the dating game. So, if you tend to dominate conversations, then cut down on the talk about you and instead ask your date open-ended questions about themselves. The flip side though is that if you allow your date to do all the talking, then what must they think of you? Well, they probably think that you were a good listener but a bit “boring”, so it’s important to strike that balance between being interested and interesting by ensuring that the conversation is two-way.

Do something to make yourself feel sexy – whether it’s a great workout, a facial, a blow-dry, wearing sexy knickers or getting a Brazilian (even if you don’t plan to show it!) – it doesn’t matter what you do – just do whatever it takes to make you feel sexy as you’ll come across that way too. When you feel good about yourself, a positive and confident aura will radiate from you, making you more attractive.

Let chemistry play its part - Even if someone scores top marks on your “prerequisites checklist”, this does not mean that sparks will fly. Have a think about which criteria you really cannot compromise on, and which are really just trivial. Lightning could strike with someone with whom you least expect it, so don’t ignore the chemistry just because someone is not the exact replica of what you thought your “ideal” partner would be. Don’t settle for mediocrity; just because he’s the sort of guy you “should” marry and he’s got the stamp of approval from mum and dad, if he doesn’t move your world, then its time to move on! Why settle for a Cadbury’s milk chocolate family block when what really gets you going is Belgian truffles (for those who don’t think in chocolate terms – the safe option versus excitement).

Be confident but not too cocky – It’s a known fact that confident people are considered attractive. We have found that at our FastLife speed dating events over 85% of our Elite members (people that have attracted more than 70% of yes votes from their dates) are significantly extraverted. It’s quite simple really, if you don’t like yourself, then why would anyone else? If you feel good about yourself, this naturally shows in how you present yourself and it’s appealing to others. Confidence is definitely attractive but when it verges on boasting about how men constantly ask you out and how you could appear on the cover of Vogue (well why not? all models are airbrushed anyway) then you’ve well and truly stepped over the line! Being cocky is a big turn off and it’s often a sign of someone who lacks confidence and is overcompensating.

Get out from under your rock and get out there – You won’t meet anyone staying at home watching Desperate Housewives, hell you won’t ever even become a housewife, let alone a desperate one! Get out there and try new things – whether it’s speed dating, dance or art classes or joining a sporting club. Dating is all about sifting through the numbers, sorting, shuffling, culling and expanding your social circle. It’s essentially a try before you buy exercise, like a pair of new jeans (How many pairs of jeans do you try on to find one that’s remotely flattering?) Dating all the “wrong” guys will help you decipher what it is that you really want. Just remember that you can only go forwards and you can only learn from past experiences.

Most importantly – BE YOURSELF! – You want to meet someone who likes the “real” you, not the pseudo you who claims to be into yoga (but can only name 1 yoga pose), enjoys contemporary art (but cannot name one exhibition they’ve been to in the last decade), and is a wine connoisseur (oh hell! What’s the difference between a Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon?). Don’t talk yourself up or down – let your date see some of the real you.


Don’t think too far ahead – Planning the wedding and practicing your signature with his last name after the first date, REWIND! Instead remain in the here and now and think “fun and flirtatious” rather than “family and financial planning”. Men can tell when you’re sizing them up, when you’re background processing and calculating (then ticking and crossing off criteria on your “must have prerequisites list”). Enjoy the dating stage as once you do meet Mr. Rest of Your Life you’ll wish that you had lived more in the moment and enjoyed the frivolity of the dating stage.

Don’t get “sexy” confused with “slutty” when dolling up for your dates - Whilst you don’t want to be mistaken for a stripper, you also don’t want to look as though you’d just escaped from a nursing home. A good rule to follow when dressing for dates is that if your mother would wear it, then you shouldn’t and if your daughter would wear it then you definitely shouldn’t – time for a reality check! It’s also important that you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing otherwise you’ll be fidgety all night. Think sophisticated and sexy. Aim to look effortlessly stylish.

Don’t find yourself suffering from “verbal diahorrea syndrome” - that’s where you launch into a monologue of how your ex-husband abandoned you and the kids for your best friend. Keep your emotional baggage in one of those vacuum pack containers that never leak. The aim of first dates is to let your date in on a little bit about you and have fun. You’re not defined by your baggage and the horrendous crimes and injustices of which you were a victim, men just aren’t interested in hearing about it. The only baggage you need is Louis Vuitton!

Don’t jump the gun and attempt to move too quickly to the Couples Only club – Let a relationship develop naturally. It’s no secret that men are commitment-phobes and will get scared off (that’s a nice way of saying will run a mile) if you prematurely use all the “we” terminology: boyfriend, partner, couple, together, relationship, followed by painting a pretty picture of your dream princess cut engagement ring, your wedding on a romantic secluded beach at sunset and the due date for your twins... you get the picture. You can’t force someone to reciprocate your feelings or to share their feelings before they’re ready. Patience is a virtue when it comes to men; men like a fine wine develop with time.

Don’t interrogate your date trying to get through your “must have criteria checklist” - The all too common line 'What do you do?' reeks of sizing up for “wallet-padding”. Ask instead what they enjoy doing in their spare time. This actually gives you a much better insight into who they are and what makes them tick. Though asking questions and showing interest is great, firing questions one after the other will make your date feel like he’s being interrogated. Go with the natural flow of the conversation. If there’s no natural flow, then it’s time to move on to the next date!

About Author

Justin Parfitt is the CEO and Founder of International singles events group FastLife International. FastLife hosts over 150 speed dating and singles events each month in 43 cities in 5 countries.

Source: ArticleTrader.com

No comments: