Sunday, February 25, 2007

The 14 Roads to a Person's Heart

The 14 Roads to a Person's Heart
By David Radtke

According to research, there are 14 basic emotional needs that all people have. These emotional needs are part of our human nature. They shape our current behavior, they steer where our conversations go, and they even influence how receptive we will be to others' ideas and suggestions.

Here is the list. Please note, with exception of the first two, the list is in no particular order of importance.

- Personal mastery over others **
- Ego gratification **
- Financial success
- Recognition of efforts
- Social/group approval
- Desire to win
- Sense of roots/heritage
- Opportunity for creative expression
- Accomplishment of goals
- New experiences
- Freedom & privacy
- Sense of self esteem, respect
- Love
- Emotional security

Let's begin with the end:

At any given moment, we may be lacking in one or more of the last twelve emotional needs. The ones we desire the most will appear higher up in our own unique list, while the semi-fulfilled desires will be closer to the bottom. For example: a person who is desperately yearning for love in his or her life will place a higher priority on romantic relationships than on his or her stable but low-paying job. Or a teenager who craves his or her own "space" from overly protective parents will place greater value on privacy and independence than on financial success or the desire to win. What's important to note is that when any need is fulfilled -- a new love is found or greater privacy is attained -- then the needs will reorder themselves. The satisfied needs will drop to the bottom or disappear from the list, and the yet unfulfilled needs will rise upwards.

The first two in the list (the ones with "**" attached to them) require special attention. These two are almost always lacking in our lives to some degree, which means the likelihood that the person you are talking to needs these areas gratified is extremely high. You can be guaranteed that one or both will be on the other person's unique list.

With this knowledge, we can better understand those around us. Unfulfilled emotional needs will exert a stronger influence on our behavior than needs that are semi-fulfilled or completely fulfilled. By using conversation techniques like active listening, asking open-ended questions, and adjusting how we talk to match our conversation partner's basic personality type, we can quickly discover which desires are in the forefront of his or her mind. And with that, we can better communicate, help, and enjoy richer relationships with our conversation partner.

Something to Think About

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched."

-George Gissing, English novelist (1857 - 1903)

About the author:

David J. Radtke is the creator of Portable Potential ( ) -- a website dedicated to helping others achieve greater success and personal mastery. With over 20 years experience in the field of education, Mr. Radtke has helped thousands of people improve their lives through one-on-one consulting and through his many e-books. If you enjoyed this article, then please visit to learn more about Mr. Radtke's life-changing e-books as well as sign up for the free online newsletter!

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